Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Death by Denial, or Death of Denial - your choice...

How does one find comfort in denial? Sounds like a confusing, contrived approach to life...
But we all know folks who have attempted it...

Such exhausting efforts in denying the facts and the realities around us, infiltrates so many aspects of each person's lifestyle that it literally changes who and what we are. Both externally and internally. There is ultimately no denying the impacts denial can have on those who choose to cling to it.

Be it... Religion, career, health, politics, commerce or relationships; in every way we fit to believe and interact we are presented with an ability to either accept an empirical reality or to deny that which most if not all facts would postulate as true and inherent to reality.

Admittedly, at times when I think about the time spent, the lives spent in denial, it creates so many anxieties and upheaval in my own fortitude and optimism.  For instance, on the religious front, the lengths must one go to in order to deny evolution? You literally have to ignore the nature of the gas which fuels your car, and the earth and ground which you walk on. (Case and point: And this is often founded of course as some moral stance by those in defence of God's story of creation.

“I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.” 
― Galileo Galilei

In the mind of those who struggle with and attempt to wage such moral battles for the sake of presumed persecution by science, I think it is worth reminding them, that denying the atom exist, can not diminish the effect nor the development of an atomic bomb. But can you imagine a world where those feeling most morally accountable, also embraced the very sciences, wholeheartedly, which are and will guiding our future? If you ever wanted to render your religion irrelevant, I can't think of a better way than denying science as valid or real.  And when has the denial of facts ever served as a valid, permanent or worthwhile form of leadership, much less the stewardship of one's faith?

Additionally, the daily lies some individuals must tell themselves in order to continue eating their way to an early grave are just as astounding. You must even ignore your eventual inability to jog, to run, to sit comfortably in a seat, to fit into clothes; even those perhaps bought just months ago.  At such a point you are now beholden to a physical manifestation of denial.  Which many might think would be the easiest denial to recognize or avoid, but it is no less prevalent within our society that the type of religious and political or social forms we witness every day.

The "truth" one has to stretch even within their own mind in order to fathom and imagine everyone else in their life or this world is wrong, but that they are right, is astounding. You have to ignore any basis for functional communication. You have to adopt a notion that apologizing and repentance is a weakness, rather than a strength.

“Long experience has taught me this about the status of mankind with regard to matters requiring thought: the less people know and understand about them, the more positively they attempt to argue concerning them, while on the other hand to know and understand a multitude of things renders men cautious in passing judgment upon anything new.” 

The dismissive position one has to take as a Christian to find solace in prejudice and discrimination against countless sub-cultures, despite the entire purpose in Christ life, is a great example of the separatism many forms of denial can lead to. You have to reinterpret everything about the salvation Christ describes; and convince yourself it is somehow founded in the judging and condemning of others, rather than the love and grace you are to bestow.

When physical science, biology, spirituality, sociology and rationality are all areas of one's human experience a person is willing to completely ignore or dismiss, as pr when it suits them, there is not much that can be done to live a realistic, sincere, cohesive life with such a person. Nor should your days be spent in reprehension, regret or remorse over the eventual deterioration of such a destructive relationship or experience.  This deterioration after all, was by their own design, and was never an action or a choice you were offered an ability or option to prevent.

When adamant denial leads to positions of extreme isolation and/or separatist movements, only the most blatant of interventions will typically intervene effectively. And when folks find refuge in larger groups, political movements, or religious affiliations to solidify or support their denial, there is little any small scale intervention will offer or accomplish. So you are left with very few options.

"If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of 
myths is explained in this way."
― Bertrand Russell

Life is too short to sit around just waiting for denial to become rational thinking. Nor is your time well spent waiting for a lack of forgiveness, waiting for the denial of evidence, the mocking of facts, the dismissing of reason, or the insecurities of those who cling to such things to give way to grace, humility, healthy love, healthy living, and a new found balance and respect for themselves and those around them.

While it is true the politics of such people may ultimately or previously have had some bearing on the shaping and misdirected leadership of this country or the city, state and even household you live or were raised in. And while it is true that family members who cling to such reprehensible tendencies of denial can make all those around you miserable; and there is little denying a miserable family can make for a miserable life. Acceptance must be found, and in essence forgiveness must be offered.

To not accept that these bastions of ignorance and habits of lying to one's self exist, would be no better than the denial such people depend on. And to not forgive why a person chooses to deny realities and cling deception and/or an avoidance or acceptance and facts, is not prudent. Forgiveness must be offered, because your life must go on and be functional, actively and usefully lived.

You can't function when you find yourself trapped in the misery of another's denial! You can't function when you are a slave to the burdens their limitation are determined to create and present. You must represent a freedom, and an awakening, and an honesty they are not yet (and perhaps never will be) willing to depend on.

You must get far away from a lifestyle and manifestation of daily lies, and their subsequent daily struggles and inherent negativity; and instead intentionally walk towards habits and promoters of reasoning, critical thinking, communication, acceptance, discovery and the most astute interpretation of current, past and future events your own experience (and those shared by others,) has provided you thus far.

Denying realities for the sake of enabling other's denials is an utter waste of your own experiences and time spent living. Coddling the hatred, the judgments, the fear and disdain so many around us may exude as they deny the truth, only serve to give purpose to such ignorance. We were not born on this earth to serve as pawns and followers of such frail, ridiculous and insecure thinking. Our lives all have a much greater opportunity.
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(Analogy warning! ~next three paragraphs~ ) ;-)
When you finally realize, after perhaps many embarrassing years, that you have served as an "audience member" to the wrong "show"; perhaps a very "poor performance" or performer; a 1 out of 4 star, production... When this realization finally hits you, you must quickly learn to read, listen, and accept the reviews and opinions of others who have seen these types of bad pictures before and no exactly which ones should be avoided.

(To continue the analogy,) It is very likely, your own discernment between a bad film and a good one may still be a bit blind, hindered, and/or lacking. Therefore, in order to avoid continuing to serve as a naive audience member or worse yet cast member (or a pawn) in this horrible production, you must start trusting the wisdom of those who are not trapped in your seat or season ticket holders.

There may indeed only be one take, once chance to live our lives... However, there are many performances within this life! There are many matinees, many box office opportunities, many more and new examples of healthier, lucrative, purposeful moments, occasions and days ahead! (Leaving this analogy zone...)

Head forward! Head towards a new venue... Depend on reliable sources of information; those, less judgmental, less afraid, less turbulent, and more honest resources.

A "blood relation" doesn't guarantee a fulfilling example of honesty and sincerity.  A long standing position within a company, doesn't naturally convey or promote a severance or retirement which will fulfill feelings of purpose and happiness. The size of a community under the roof and steeple of a religious institution does not directly equate to the accuracy and truth which will be found within those walls.

Learn to discern the truth in you from the lies of others. Start a life that is meant to be lived each day with intention. Intentional living, matched with honesty and an avoidance of denial. Intentional living which seeks vigilantly to place you nearer to the gifts you desire. Lean on and search for the personal traits which you are best fashioned to draw strength from, reproduce and enjoy.

An artist must seek a creative environment and/or build their studio! A scientist must find a place where theories can be tested and facts are accepted. A bad politician must find voters willing to believe whatever they are told. A good public servant must be willing to listen and uphold the needs of others in ways few of us have witnessed. Your own votes must be an example of testimony and truth, rather than that of titillation and fear.

It may take you 20, 30, 40 or even 50 years to come to realize many of these patterns, or to feel an incentive to avoid their destruction in your own life. However long, whatever the age, rest assured the next 10,20,30, or 40 years would best be spent avoiding such destruction, insecurities, fear and prolonged exposure to the types of denial which only serve to rob you of your time left here on this planet!

Free yourself from such delusions!

Extreme cases of denial (delusion) are actually a form of psychosis.
Any delusion is always a mistake!

Who we spend our life trying to please or fellowship with, certainly changes everything! ...either for the worse or the betterment of our lives.

We must often look back in review of those who we initially thought were worth so many sacrifices. "Hindsight is 20/20!" Everyone has made bad calls at one point or another in trusting or supporting endeavors that were far from worthwhile or mutually healthy.

You are not alone. And life will get better now that you head forward with those costly trials and painful lessons under your belt. The pain and anger will also fade. Forgive yourself and forget the rest... They don't deserve any more of your energy or time.

Stay strong!!


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